Last Friday was Move in Day for college for my son Asher. It’s was bittersweet for me. I’m excited for him on one hand and his new beginnings, but I can’t help but feel loss at the absence of his presence at home. I suppose this is what is meant by Empty Nest Syndrome.

The college is in a different time zone than us and his work, which is pretty inconvenient. I had drove up earlier to get his keys because he had overtime and wouldn’t have made it to get them in time. While waiting for him, I set up his bedding and put together a shelf for his room and put out the few things that I had bought for him.

The air was buzzing with excitement as the guys all moved their things in. Loud talking, laughing and doors slamming. People everywhere as the parents and a couple of the girlfriends were there, too. The place is actually a townhouse, not a dorm. There’s six bedrooms and the living room and kitchen are common areas. It boasts three bathrooms, good thing.

Just look at these guys. They don’t know it yet, but these are the things memories are made of.

As I took these photos for myself and for them to remember this day by, it had not yet occurred to me that I wasn’t going to be seeing him everyday. Oh sure, I knew he was going, but I had convinced myself that maybe he’d just stay up there for four nights a week and come home the rest of the time.

For nearly every single day of his life, he was in mine. There’s not a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about how his day is or if he needed anything. Always thinking of him. Now, he’s miles away and living, working and now going to school without me.

Some people might think that I’ve coddled him too much and maybe it’s true. However, I want to do so. I’m his mother and I love him more than anything in the world. I only hope he’s felt that love, even during spats and the rare punishments I gave out. He might not understand that until one day when he has a child.

It’s been a rough week for me. I won’t lie, there’s been lots of tears on my part. Happily though, he has answered most of my texts that I’ve tried to hold off sending until the end of each day. Maybe not right away, but I’ve gotten at least an “um” out of my questions.

I worry if he’s eating. How he’s managing in a city with noises and lights and four roommates. (!) The guys he’s rooming with all are good young men. There’s not one that I’m concerned about being a bad influence, I truly believe they all have good hearts.

But still. I mourn his absence. My heart aches and I can’t explain why because as my best friend points out that he’s fully equipped and ready and that’s what I’ve prepared him for. Of course it is. I am happy that he’s not afraid to go out and conquer the world. I’ve always wanted him to be independent. Yet now he is and I’m the one that can’t handle it, not him.

Oh you should see me. I’m a blubbering mess and I don’t even care who sees me cry which isn’t like me. I’m usually embarrassed at my soft heart even though I’ve always wore my heart on my sleeve. A piece of my heart is out there and I’m not there to protect him.

Surely these feelings won’t last forever. I know that I’ll be his mother until the day I die, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this. I’m not emotionally equipped for this distance.

There’s a hanging plant on my deck full of purple sweet potato vines. I water it very carefully because I’ve found a nest inside with four baby Carolina Wrens in it. Mama Wren works tirelessly to feed her babies and fearlessly chirps at Sandefur, my outside cat, if he walks too close. I feel you Mama, I feel you. Soon, her babies will be leaving the nest, too. Very soon.

← And Then There Were Three. RIP Sandy Dodd /   ⟶

Learn more about me on the ‘About’ page under the additional links menu. I’m an artist – a painter mostly and an avid gardener. I paint a variety of subjects including birds, koi fish, my gardens, ponds and flowers as well as anything having to do with nature especially trees and tropical scenes. I also enjoy painting abstracts and have started created more and more of them. My most favorite thing to try to achieve in my painting is is mystery and telling mystical stories.

If you would like to keep up with what I’m doing, I have a newsletter e-mailed about once a month that gives you special status for invitations, birthday greeting and more. I’d love for you to add your email to my Friends and Collectors list!